INTROVERTS! Here's how to get confident without sacrificing your personality
I really like people, so how can I be an introvert?
There seems to be a misconception that introverts don’t like people or being around them. It’s simply not true.
It’s only in the last 3 years that I realised I was an introvert and most people around me wouldn’t agree, mainly because I like people and have no difficulty in social situations.
My daughter is very introvert (the other is absolute extrovert) and she has said on occasion that she doesn’t like people. I know it’s not true. She’s far too interested in people and very astute about emotions, she just finds it all a bit exhausting.
I think it’s an easy thing to do when you are an introvert, just believe it’s because you don’t like people. I always challenge my clients when they give me sweeping statements. In this case I would ask you to tell me all the people you DO in fact like (or love even).
I was very confused when I began to realise the struggle I felt with being around lots of people for a long time. It didn’t seem to match the story I had told myself about who I was and how I identified, or what others thought of me.
It can be very confusing when there seems to be an internal conflict. On one hand I want to be around people and on the other I find it draining.
Many of my clients come to me with conflicting ideas of who they are, who they think they are, who they think they are supposed to be and who they really want to be.
Prefer to watch a video (or read on)...
How often have you been told growing up that you are “shy”?
Or, someone has said “oh, they are just playing shy”, or “they are not shy really, they just take time to warm up”.
All of these things are said with the best of intentions, but they plant seeds in our young minds.
Mummy says I’m shy so I must be.
I get a lot of attention for playing shy.
I get less attention when I’m not shy.
Being shy sounds like a bad thing to be, I better mask it.
The word shy haunts our early years and how we react to that can create our identity. The thing is, no one is shy, it’s just a learned behaviour, not who we are.
Once I learned this, I banned anyone from calling my daughter “shy”. Just because she lacked some confidence and took time to open up, did not make that her only personality trait. She is also funny, great at delegation and strong minded.
The shy label can travel into high school, university and jobs. When we are known to be shy it can then be difficult to step out of that label.
How is shy different from being Introvert?
Being introvert or extrovert is a bit different. It’s where we gain or drain our energy. It isn’t really to do with being shy or not and that gets confusing. We put ourselves in boxes before we even leave infant school, and it can be a fight to get out of them if everyone around us is comfortable with us being there.
Once we are labelled as “shy” (which is in turn often seen as “bad at communication”) it can be hard to see it as anything other than negative, but I see being introvert as a superpower.
Quiet people often listen more, they take in their surroundings and they sit back and wait while the extroverts take over the conversation. They notice how the extrovert is given more responsibility (whether they are the right person or not) and how they speak up whenever they want to say something.
The beauty of this is, the introvert then holds the cards, if they choose to. Not only have they sat and listened and paid attention, they have also been watching how the extrovert works.
I do not want to turn introverts into extroverts, that is not how it works. But if you can look at some of the things the “extroverts” do, the things that can work for you, you can match it when needed.
You may also discover that the extroverts are not at all extrovert in reality.
I didn’t learn how not to be an introvert, I learned how not to be shy.
I didn’t learn how to be an extrovert, I learned to be confident.
I learned a lot of this through life experience and practice.
I always say, confidence is not a prerequisite, it’s the result we get from taking action.
When I was a “shy” and uncomfortable teenager and young adult, I was sent off around the world. I had various projects within the company I worked for. Did it feel comfortable? Absolutely not! A lot of the time I was terrified. But the more I did it, the easier it became. The more interesting people I met along the way, the more interested I became.
What can you do to help with appearing more extrovert, even when you are not?
You can study body language, posture and tone of voice. What is it about the extrovert that makes people listen? Is it just the volume or is it something else? How do they engage people? How can that help you?
Lift your head and put your shoulders back. I know this can feel so very difficult. The more you do it, the more natural it will feel.
Write down all the amazing things you have to offer the world. Just because you may be quiet or have different interests to what you see around you, doesn’t mean people are not interested.
Practice your Power Pose.
Get an Anchor. I give one to all my clients to help with confidence (and often staying calm is a favourite).
And remember, the person who has listened to the detail AND is able to convey their thoughts in a quiet, strong way, will always gain respect.
You do not have to change your whole personality, just the way you feel about certain things so they can be more comfortable.
And you can also choose to stay exactly as you are. That is fine too. But if you feel you are not getting the most out of life, now is a good time to take charge and make the changes. It is never too early, or too late, to start.
If you are ready to start taking controlfby gaining confidence and communication skills, so you can easily display more extrovert behaviour while still being yourself, book a free introductory call.
How can an Introductory Call benefit me?
I know (as someone with introvert tendencies), having a call may feel like the last thing in the world you would want to do. I know that feeling of staring at the phone thinking, I really want to do something but this feels very scary. In all honesty, I still feel the same for a second when the phone starts to ring!
The reason it is important is that we need to know if we want to work with each other. This works 2 ways.
Building a relationship where you feel confident enough to tackle some deep issues with me starts here. Before you part with any money, before you commit to 3, 6 or 12 months deep work, we both need to know it's the right thing for you.
Because I understand how hard it is, booking the introductory call via the website creates the whole initial link. You get the meeting time you want, you receive the zoom link and reminders and then, when the time comes, we have an informal chat about what you want out of all of this. I will guide you the whole way and during this first call, we will already begin to design the life you want.
How I can help
My 1-1 programs will give you the focus, challenge and direction to find what you are looking for.
My membership will surround you with inspiring and positive people.
My Emails, YouTube and Social Media posting will give you the daily boost you need to know you are not alone, others are going through similar things and it is possible to change if you choose to.
Take the first steps towards your own Powerful Life.
Jenny Jarvis is a practicing, certified, UK Holistic Life Change Coach and NLP Practitioner who has empowered numerous people to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker. She inspires all to harness their greatness through energised coaching sessions, workshops and her membership club.
Book a free introductory session with Jenny and discovery how you might work together.