Living with Anxiety
I Feel Anxious
I had this familiar feeling in my body, one I did not like at all and have not experienced for years. I had energy trapped inside me. Not a good energy, a horrible, anxious, familiar energy.
Oh my goodness!
How had I lived like this for decades?
I knew this was the feeling I had lived with most of my life.
Aching body, jittery, breathless.
HELL
NO!
This was not happening, no way!
One of the great things about being anxiety free for several years is that I know what that feels like, and I also notice how awful it feels when it crops up. This was pretty extreme though and led to a 3-day migraine. In the past I thought this was just normal. I thought I was just an ill person. Now I know it's a response to things going on in life.
Controlling your emotions
I always say you can choose your reactions, which I believe is true. You cannot always choose the emotion though. I do have total control on what I do about those emotions.
Self-care was my go-to this week with a bit of self-soothing thrown in. That looks like walks, tapping, breathing, cuddles, talking, watching TV, listening to motivational podcasts and sleeping. Lots of sleeping.
I know as long as it's short term, these things will help get me back on track.
I have to confess, I got quite a shock at the strength of my feelings but it's not surprising given current life challenges.
One of the things I'm good at is flexible thinking so I'm also looking at my goal and where I want life to be and working on planning a detour.
Not all roads can be straight, sometimes you have to take a route off through the woods. That can be because the route through the woods looks more interesting, or it can be because the road you are on has just got too bumpy and the woods seem a more sensible route.
Going in a different direction
I've been listening to the book "Wild”, and it has inspired me to look at my path and work out what is best for me and why I may want to choose different directions.
Cheryl Strayed was addicted to drugs and sex and was grieving the death of her mother. Her solution was to walk 1100 miles along the Pacific Crest Trail on her own. She had no experience of hiking long distance and was carrying a pack as heavy as she was. Along the trail she met characters who would guide, instruct and sometimes hinder her. One experienced hiker went through her backpack and removed all non-essentials (including her 10 pack of condoms - she took one back just in case). He sawed off the end of her toothbrush to lose weight and any books she read, she had to tear out the pages after she had read it and burn them on the fire.
Cheryl had to trust her instinct and when all seemed lost, she kept pushing forward.
Listening to this book reminds me that when there is a huge boulder in front of you, or a bank of snow which is impossible to cross, there is always a detour. It may take longer, it may not be the route you planned, but it is the one that will get you where you need to go without turning back.
It also highlighted how some people are there to help and cheer you on while others are there to make life difficult, and perhaps teach you a lesson along the way.
Keep the end in mind
Steven Covey, in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, talks about keeping the end in mind. I have looked at these habits over the last few days and reminded myself of the ultimate goal.
There were many times Cheryl could have given up. Decided to jump in a passing car and head home. But she had the end in mind. She knew she wanted her life to be different and this was the way to do it.
I see many people giving up on life and I understand why. It's much easier to live day to day hoping things might change or accepting that this is how life will always be. And although it is easier at the time, it also means you never discover everything life has to offer. It means staying in survival mode.
Being in survival mode for a while can be helpful, but doing this forever is exhausting. I stayed in survival mode for decades living with panic attacks, uncertainty and pushing through. I also acknowledge that there is probably ADHD at play. Now I know more about neurodiversity, a lot of my old life comes into focus. But the great thing now is that I know I can also feel different. This anxiety I’m feeling is temporary, based on the actions of others.
It will pass.
And the things you are going through, they will pass too.
One of the certainties in life is change. There will always be change. There will be good times and challenging times. How you choose to react to them is up to you. That’s the bit you get to choose. You may not be able to choose your emotions, but you can choose how you react to them.
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Jenny Jarvis is a UK Life Change Coach and NLP Practitioner who has empowered her clients to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker.
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