top of page

Empowerment Insights

Transform your thinking and change your life with Empowerment Insights by Jenny Jarvis
JennyJarvis_Pink_Underline.png
Life Change Articles from Jenny Jarvis Coaching

I feel stuck! - creating empathy boundaries


Picture of a woman crouching in the corner, a ladder leading up out of a hole some distance above all covered in purple. Words say "I'm stuck in empathy and trying to fix others"


I feel so stuck!


I can’t fix things.


I try so hard, but it’s just not possible. People ask how life is and I say, “much better”. And I believe it for those few minutes, sometimes even hours. Then it all seems to collapse around me.


The things that are collapsing are not in my control. They are other people and the actions of others.


One thing I know from all my training is that you cannot control other people, even your kids.


It’s simply not possible to make others want more for themselves, just because you want more for them.


It’s not possible to stop someone behaving badly, just because you wish it were different.


You can guide, lead by example and offer a listening ear, but you cannot make someone be or do what they won’t.


This can be a hard lesson.


It can be frustrating.


It can hold you back from living your life.


When this happens, I look at the alternative options for me.


Instead of feeling frustrated for someone else not doing anything, how can I use that as motivation for my life?


Instead of feeling angry at the legal system that puts women in a vulnerable position, how do I create the security for myself?


Instead of feeling hurt because you feel you’ve done everything you can but it’s not enough, because it’s not about you, how do I step back and do less for others and more for me?


When do things get better?


This is often easier said than done. In the past I would have spent days, weeks and months making myself ill over these things. Now they are fleeting. I get back to the space where “things are getting better” much more quickly.


I share this because, even when you have done a lot of work on yourself, life still happens. Life will always happen because we can’t control everything, we can only control how we deal with it.


It can be so easy to get stuck in the mud, wading through everyone else’s mess. This is not what I want for anyone around me, so it’s not what I want for myself either.


This isn’t about being selfish, it’s about acknowledging how much worse things can get if you let others drag you down with them, whoever they are.


I'm an Empath


Empathy is something I find easy, I’ve been doing it my whole life. But empathy also needs boundaries.


Do you put boundaries in for your own empathy?


If you feel like you are doing everything and getting nothing in return, if you feel frustrated because no one is doing what you expect or would like, here’s some questions to ponder.


Are you in full empathy because you get something out of it too?

How is being in empathy long-term helping the other person?

How much empathy can you give without wiping yourself out in the process?

How can you stay empathetic to yourself at the same time as others?

Are you addicted to empathy?


Empathetic Drama


I used to love the drama of a good dose of empathy. Feeling right there in with my friends and family through whatever trauma they were experiencing. I would climb in the hole with them trying to work out how to rescue us both, while the other person didn't really want rescuing. This is not healthy and it makes you stuck.


I’m not talking lack of empathy, we know those people and they are hard to be around, I’m talking boundaried empathy. And that takes time to learn and practice.


I remember getting very ill through things that had absolutely nothing to do with me at all because I felt so bad for the person. This is not helpful, this is just adding to the negative vibration.


As I felt my own frustration and disappointment I had to step away. Stepping away is hard but when I look at the other options, they won’t help long term.


What do you need to step away from, or at least create some boundaries?


And remember, if you are a fixer too, sometimes there is nothing we can fix. Not being able to fix can feel almost painful.


If you want to fix and empathise with everything and everyone and it is making life hard, my 30 free coaching videos could help you with all the tools I use every day to let go of things I cannot control and start to control myself instead.


If you love a bit of drama, and a bit of empathy, look out for my new podcast, coming soon called The Drama Dialogues.


Help Yourself banner


Sign up to 30 Free Coaching Videos


If you want to learn how to manage your own levels of empathy and fixing and start doing something that benefits you, book a call with me or, you can now sign up for my new 30 day coaching challenge and receive a video in your inbox each day with all the tools I use to help me when I can't fix others and I've spent too long in empathy.

If you enjoy my free content, you can show your appreciation by buying me a coffee.


Coach Jenny Jarvis

Free Support


If you want to create Financial Freedom, download Discover Your Money Stories now.


If you want guidance to design your life, download my workbook.


If you want to start dating well but are terrified of making the same mistakes, download my 40 dating questions


If you you are ready to get started on the rest of your life today, book a Free Introductory Call.



How can an Introductory Call benefit me?



Life Coach Jenny Jarvis working on her laptop

You will get a no obligation hour to talk about the life you want and how you might get there. This way we can discover whether you want to work with me, and if I want to work with you.




How I can help


My 1-1 programs will give you the focus, challenge and direction to find what you are looking for.


My Emails, YouTube and Social Media posting will give you the daily boost you need to know you are not alone, others are going through similar things and it is possible to change if you choose to.


Take the first steps towards your own Powerful Life.

 
Coach and NLP Practitioner Jenny Jarvis

Jenny Jarvis is a UK Life Change Coach and NLP Practitioner who has empowered her clients to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker.


Book a free introductory session with Jenny and discovery how you might work together.

Comments


bottom of page