Finding Myself After Divorce
I have a confession
I have to confess; it took me a while to find myself after me and my husband of 11 years (16 together) decided to separate. There were several reasons for this.
Firstly, it was a mutual and amicable decision, so I didn’t really feel I had lost anything at that time.
Secondly, I threw myself into a new relationship and distracted myself with a whole load of trauma in that one. I didn’t deal with my separation because I placed all the feelings I had somewhere else. I did the classic squashing motion. Can’t cope with the reality of my marriage so let’s move on to something else.
When that relationship (using the loosest sense of the term as it was really a 3-month fling with someone who manipulated and lied his way into my life), I finally went to therapy.
Although the therapy sessions helped me enormously and they gave me a lot to work on for who I was and who I wanted to be, they did not stop me from entering yet another relationship I wasn’t ready for.
It took 5 years in all to get to the point where I felt truly happy and like “myself”. So many mistakes and heartache along the way that was totally unnecessary.
If I had done the work I do with my clients after my separation, instead of distracting myself, I think things would be different now (except I wouldn’t have these experiences to help you create your best life).
The reason I know you can find your way out of the trauma of a separation is because I have been there and done it. And along the way I made many mistakes.
There are things I wish I could change but that is impossible. All you can do is move forward from where you are today.
With this in mind, I created a set of tools for you to use that helped me gain focus and create the first steps to designing my own life. I’m sharing them with you for free because I know that once you start to see where you want to go, you can make the changes necessary.
Below is my guide for how to discover Who am I?
Finding Support
The other thing I wish I had investigated at that time was a support group to help me move forward. I felt very lonely, even though I would talk to anyone who would nod and smile politely about my situation.
This is very common. When your relationship breaks down you want people to hold you up, tell you it will be OK tell you your partner is an arse, agree with you about how hard done by you have been. But that isn’t the best way to move forward.
I joined some facebook groups purporting to support people through divorce but every time I joined them it was a negative space to throw emotions and blame around.
Who to blame?
I found that blaming didn’t really help anyone (well, for a short time it did). When my 4-year relationship ended, I went on the blame game. I felt awful. I felt lied to and as if I had wasted my life on someone who was never willing to give me what I asked for, even when they said they would.
This was a totally different scenario to my marriage. They knew what I had been through previously and I begged them not to do the same. But they did. In my mind anyway.
I wanted them to pay. I wanted karma to take over and make them feel the way they had made others feel, including me.
With some space, I began to realise that wouldn’t help me in my life at all. It just filled it with negativity and bitterness. Something I did not want to manifest more of.
My group is different because we focus on moving forward positively. Of course, if you want a little rant about your ex, we are here to listen, but the main focus will be on how you can gain confidence, learn communication skills (date if you are interested) and design the life you want.
After all, the best revenge is to be happy.
If you are fed up with just moaning about your ex and not knowing how to move forward, we would love to see you in my Free Facebook Group.
If you want to know how you can work with me to find out who you are and what you want from your life and relationships, the best way is to book a Free Introductory Call.
How can an Introductory Call benefit me?
Many of my clients are introverts and I know (as someone with introvert tendencies), having a call may feel like the last thing in the world you would want to do. I know that feeling of staring at the phone thinking, I really want to do something but this feels very scary. In all honesty, I still feel the same for a second when the phone starts to ring!
The reason it is important is that we need to know if we want to work with each other. This works 2 ways.
Building a relationship where you feel confident enough to tackle some deep issues with me starts here. Before you part with any money, before you commit to 3, 6 or 12 months deep work, we both need to know it's the right thing for you.
Because I understand how hard it is, booking the introductory call via the website creates the whole initial link. You get the meeting time you want, you receive the zoom link and reminders and then, when the time comes, we have an informal chat about what you want out of all of this. I will guide you the whole way and during this first call, we will already begin to design the life you want.
How I can help
My 1-1 programs will give you the focus, challenge and direction to find what you are looking for.
My Emails, YouTube and Social Media posting will give you the daily boost you need to know you are not alone, others are going through similar things and it is possible to change if you choose to.
Take the first steps towards your own Powerful Life.
Jenny Jarvis is a practicing, certified, UK Life Change Coach and NLP Practitioner who has empowered numerous people to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker. She inspires all to harness their greatness through energised coaching sessions, workshops and her membership club.
Book a free introductory session with Jenny and discovery how you might work together.