How do I declutter my life?
Work on the inside.
For many years I have been trying to get my house in order. I get to the point where it looks OK and then after a few weeks it’s all back to where it was. Stuff all over the place, every surface covered in paperwork and bits that just have no home.
I have written about being a “messy person” several time before. I have written about all the things I decide to do when I get a burst of “I can’t live like this anymore” and the surge of guilt when I look around and see that the house is a mess a few weeks later.
It’s funny because I don’t really relate to being a messy person. The number of people who are shocked when I confess that they can’t come over because the house is a state or how many times I put people off visiting because I just hate how the house is.
Now, I’m not in the realm of the hoarders we see on tv, I’m just not the person where you walk in and everything is away in its place. There are always dishes in the sink and envelopes, hair bands, brushes, general crap around.
It’s not restful.
Every time I have this surge, bags and bags make their way to charity shops or the tip. It’s incredible how much has left the house over the last 8 years. I feel ashamed of all the waste; the money that has been blown and the toys and clothes that are hardly used. Plastic tat that was bought on impulse because the kids were desperate for the dopamine hit of buying something.
I haven’t been a shopper for years. I don’t tend to buy “things” anymore for me or anyone else. No more trinkets or collectibles. So why is it still a mess? Partly because there was too much to start with and I get overwhelmed and just leave it at the point where it looks OK.
What is different about this house clear out? Why do I think I can be different this time?
The honest answer is, I’m worried it won’t change. I’m worried that next week I will turn around and see all the mess again.
BUT…
The house this time feels lighter. Every time I sit down, I take an inner appreciative sigh.
Every time I walk down the stairs, I notice how lovely it looks not to have shoes everywhere and piles of stuff ready for charity. I store that memory and feeling each time I go down to remind myself.
This time I know all the cupboards and drawers are cleared. Each and every one of them now has space in it. They are not so crammed that you have to shut the door quickly to avoid everything falling on you.
My vases are in a cupboard instead of on every surface available.
My Kitchen Aid is in a cupboard instead of the counter (even though it is beautiful it takes up room).
My cleaning products are in order, and I know what I have (turns out I love a collection of bleach, de-icer, surface cleaner and cloths!).
The difference this time is I dealt with the inside.
The other difference is, I had help.
For me, clearing out the house is an overwhelming and emotional experience, I find it physically painful sometimes. When Matt is helping me he can often see my cup overflowing and we have to stop and breathe for a minute. I am often shocked how attached I feel to "things". The phrase that helps me the most is not Marie Kondo's "Does it spark joy?" which does nothing for me. It's my own "Does it make me feel successful?" (thanks to one of my coaches Tanya Moody for the reminder on my motivation phrase!). The amount of stuff that phrase has helped me throw away is incredible.
Even with that phrase, when Matt said the living room cupboards needed doing, I replied that they were fine. Candles in one and DVDs in another but when he opened them, they were full of a mix of all sorts.
And don’t even get me started on the cables. Having Matt to go through them was a big help. I didn’t even look. I know I would have fished loads of “but they may fit something and be useful” wires back out.
Dealing with the inside makes the whole difference but we are so often distracted by the stuff we can see, we forget to open the cupboards and drawers and have a good look. The amount we find there can be scary!
This is all a bit like how we deal with other aspects of our life when we feel stuck, undesirable, unloved, burnt out, frustrated, bitter, angry.
We deal with the surface by booking a holiday, having your hair done, doing your nails, going out for drinks with friends, moaning a lot to anyone who will listen; which feels great for a week or so, then we look around and life hasn’t actually changed. We have great photos to put on Facebook but inside you are wondering why it hasn't made the difference you hoped it would.
If you work on the inside, the changes last.
"But Jenny, you just admitted the house might go backwards again and you would be back to where you were!".
It may seem that way when I look around, but it isn’t true. Even if I do end up in a mess again, each and every time it gets quicker to sort. This time it took me a week, not months like in previous times.
When we find our lives are once again not how we want them, it’s usually because we have moved forward to a point where we want to improve even more, take bigger and braver steps that would have felt way too big a few years ago.
A bit like my house, when we work on the inside, creating a clearer more focused space for our bodies and minds becomes easier.
If you want to declutter your house, there are professionals that can help too if you don’t have a Matt on hand. I will add their links to the bottom.
If you want to declutter your life, I’m the girl for that. If you feel weighed down by your relationships, career, kids or lack of confidence, I will help you design the life you want.
Let’s start from the inside to make lasting change. Then you can book the holiday to celebrate how far you have come!
Useful contacts to help you declutter your house.
Free Facebook Group - Untangled by Tingle
Derbyshire based Declutterer - Tidy at Heart
Association of Professional Declutterers - APDO
And if you want to declutter the rest of your life, I help my clients with communication skills, creating boundaries and building confidence; all of which will help you live the life that makes you feel successful.
If you feel you need help to start, book a Free Introductory Call.
If you want to find the first steps I used to design my own life, below is my guide to discover "Who am I?"
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Jenny Jarvis is a practicing, certified, UK Life Change Coach and NLP Practitioner who has empowered numerous people to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker. She inspires all to harness their greatness through energised coaching sessions, workshops and courses.
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