How to cope when small issues build up to breaking point.
Small things can have a huge impact.
Think about the pain of a papercut. The tiniest of cuts on your hand. So small it’s almost invisible.
But the pain!
One thing we know about papercuts is that they do heal, even if occasionally they open up again (especially the ones on your knuckle, why do they often end up there?).
Our lives are often impacted by thousands of papercut issues. The small things that stop us in our tracks briefly.
It can be something someone says to us.
A look we receive that we interpret.
A criticism.
An off mood.
They all mount up and we start to question ourselves.
The papercut issue has gone visibly but we still remember the sting.
It sits in our subconscious mind, ready to open whenever it is stretched.
And you know those "overly sensitive" people around you? They have their own papercuts too.
It may not be a massive trauma. It may be so small and insignificant that it gets brushed aside. They may think they have nothing to worry about in the world and why on earth should they feel sad about life.
When we have papercut issues, it’s so easy to discount them as impactful. But when they mount up, our subconscious says, “hold on a minute, this is painful, better start protecting myself”.
What we to to protect ourselves
What does self-protection look like?
It looks like People Pleasing.
It looks like staying quiet.
It looks like self-sabotage.
It looks like unhealthy diet.
It looks like “I don’t care”.
It looks like noise, and it looks like quiet.
What can we do when we feel as if we have nothing to really complain about, yet life feels hard?
Prefer to watch a video (or read on)...
Acknowledge where you have been
Often, it’s as simple as acknowledging all the stuff you have had to deal with. Whether it’s an unkind word or something bigger.
I often used to think I had nothing to worry about, nothing massive had happened to me. I especially thought this when I had Postnatal Depression. But this was not true. Things had happened to me. I was bullied at school; I would go home crying most days. I felt totally alone. I had no idea who I was or what direction I was going in. I never felt enough and sometimes was made to feel I was too much.
If you feel you have nothing to worry about, but you still feel unhappy, write everything down. Even the small stuff that seems like a papercut. Look at each item and ask what you learned from it. Say “I had that experience, it was hard for me, that’s OK. I am allowed to think it was hard”. Know that you got through hard things. As Glennon Doyle says, “we can do hard things”. Knowing that is empowering.
High Five
I’ve said it dozens of times now, but I want to keep reminding, not only you, but me too. Give yourself a high five in the mirror. It tells your subconscious you are doing a good job.
Last week I did an Unleash Your Money Mindset workshop. When I left it, I said to my partner, “as I was doing the workshop, I thought to myself: you are really good at this!”, “About bloody time!” was his response. He was telling me it was time I said to myself I have done a good job. I am all too quick to criticise where I am, how much (or little in my mind) I have done and how much better I could be.
Design the life you do want
Stop saying I’ll survive, it’s OK, other people have it worse.
Start designing the life you want.
This may be in the form of a list, it may be a drawing, I created some canva art that sits on my desktop, it could be a vision board.
As you look at the life you want to live, check how you feel about it. Does it feel like a possible reality or does it feel too big to ever happen?
Write down the specific feelings. It could be “yes! That’s the life I want”. It could be “that’s the life I should want but it doesn’t really inspire me”, it could be “I want that life but how do I possibly make that happen”, it could be “that life is for other people”.
Noticing how you think about your dreams will help to work out your next steps.
You may have beliefs about yourself getting in the way. If our subconscious believes it’s not possible, the chances are it will be very difficult.
Just as papercuts are tiny but produce a disproportionate amount of pain, these small steps can mount up to help you live the life you really want to be living. Sometimes it is just the small things that make all the difference.
If you are ready to start taking part in your own life, book a free introductory call.
How can an Introductory Call benefit me?
I know (as someone with introvert tendencies), having a call may feel like the last thing in the world you would want to do. I know that feeling of staring at the phone thinking, I really want to do something but this feels very scary. In all honesty, I still feel the same for a second when the phone starts to ring!
The reason it is important is that we need to know if we want to work with each other. This works 2 ways.
Building a relationship where you feel confident enough to tackle some deep issues with me starts here. Before you part with any money, before you commit to 3, 6 or 12 months deep work, we both need to know it's the right thing for you.
Because I understand how hard it is, booking the introductory call via the website creates the whole initial link. You get the meeting time you want, you receive the zoom link and reminders and then, when the time comes, we have an informal chat about what you want out of all of this. I will guide you the whole way and during this first call, we will already begin to design the life you want.
How I can help
My 1-1 programs will give you the focus, challenge and direction to find what you are looking for.
My membership will surround you with inspiring and positive people.
My Emails, YouTube and Social Media posting will give you the daily boost you need to know you are not alone, others are going through similar things and it is possible to change if you choose to.
Take the first steps towards your own Powerful Life.
Jenny Jarvis is a practicing, certified, UK Holistic Life Change Coach and NLP Practitioner who has empowered numerous people to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker. She inspires all to harness their greatness through energised coaching sessions, workshops and her membership club.
Book a free introductory session with Jenny and discovery how you might work together.