I want to be perfect!
I want to be perfect.
The perfect parent,
The perfect partner,
The perfect child
The perfect friend,
The perfect employee.
I want to be fit and healthy and eat the right foods,
I want to be able to keep all the balls in the air.
I want to feel strong, bold and confident.
I want to feel capable of anything.
I want to be consistent, tidy, organised.
I want to be visible, but not too much.
I want to be so many things that equal perfect.
But we are human, perfection doesn’t exist.
We make mistakes.
We make decisions that were not right.
We disappoint people.
We hurt our children without meaning to.
We do things that we don’t agree with, but it was the best choice at the time.
We forget to call people.
We avoid the hard stuff.
We avoid the hard stuff…
But we can do hard things.
Glennon Doyle says so (it must be true).
I’ve been doing hard things.
A lot of very hard things.
And it’s exhausting.
Balls drop.
Disappointment sets in.
But for me it’s the disappointment I have of myself.
I should be able to cope.
I should be able to do the right things.
I should remember everything.
I should be there for everyone.
I should be better.
I have all the tools.
I often say to my clients "should" is not helpful. When we think we should be doing things, we are setting ourselves up for a fall. We are making unrealistic expectations.
It's about you.
This isn’t just about me, it’s about all of you.
How many times have you had these thoughts?
I should be doing this that and the next thing or I will disappoint someone (or myself).
I hear it from my clients all the time. The want for perfection, to erase past mistakes and prevent ourselves from making new ones.
But, sadly sometimes, you can’t erase the past and occasionally you will repeat mistakes.
What matters is how you respond.
Do you spend years feeling that stomach churning anxiety every time you think of what happened?
Do you go over and over the details in your head with an “if only that hadn’t happened” sigh?
Do you get flashbacks and sit up in the middle of the night?
Do you let that mistake hold you back from moving forward?
It happens all the time. I’ve done it myself.
My mistake
I remember when I had just finished my degree and I was asked to make a whole host of dresses for an event (for young girls). I knew I should have said no, it was far too much work for the budget and my heart just wasn’t in it. At that point I still had an obsession with saying yes to everything and my money mindset was terrible.
I left college with my fashion degree and felt completely out of my depth. I have no experience dealing with clients or running any sort of business.
It was a total disaster!
In the end they had to go and buy new dresses.
The communication between us all was awful, and I just wasn’t up to the job at that point.
I have since made many dresses of a similar sort but every time I think of that incident, I get very hot and sweaty. I remember vividly all my feelings of failure, regret, frustration at myself and total disappointment in my abilities.
It turned out that fashion and dress making was not the industry I wanted to be in, but that event scarred me for a long time. I’m sure it held me back from trying other things.
What I now know is, there is no failure, only feedback (one of my favourite sayings since doing NLP).
Get Feedback
The way you can give yourself feedback is to ask:
What did I learn?
What would I have done differently if I could go back?
What was the overall impact?
What good came out of it?
How can I ensure it doesn’t happen again?
Who do I need to apologise to?
When am I going to forgive myself?
Forgiveness is a gift we can give ourselves for the mistakes we make.
Being human isn’t about being perfect. It is about growing, learning, falling, failing and growing some more.
To do that we often need some help.
Whether it’s a therapist, coach or friend, asking for (the right) help is the quickest way to get where you want to be.
And whatever that is, make sure it’s not perfect. As soon as we hit perfect, life stops.
If it’s not perfect, what can it be?
Happy, Fulfilled, Purposeful, Calm, Exciting, Uplifting, Loving.
Who do you really want to be in life?
How are you going to get there?
Free Support
If you are still terrified of how to move forward, we would love to see you in my Free Facebook Group.
If you you are ready to get started today, book a Free Introductory Call.
How can an Introductory Call benefit me?
Many of my clients are introverts and I know (as someone with introvert tendencies), having a call may feel like the last thing in the world you would want to do. I know that feeling of staring at the phone thinking, I really want to do something but this feels very scary. In all honesty, I still feel the same for a second when the phone starts to ring!
The reason it is important is that we need to know if we want to work with each other. This works 2 ways.
Building a relationship where you feel confident enough to tackle some deep issues with me starts here. Before you part with any money, before you commit to 3, 6 or 12 months deep work, we both need to know it's the right thing for you.
Because I understand how hard it is, booking the introductory call via the website creates the whole initial link. You get the meeting time you want, you receive the zoom link and reminders and then, when the time comes, we have an informal chat about what you want out of all of this. I will guide you the whole way and during this first call, we will already begin to design the life you want.
How I can help
My 1-1 programs will give you the focus, challenge and direction to find what you are looking for.
My Emails, YouTube and Social Media posting will give you the daily boost you need to know you are not alone, others are going through similar things and it is possible to change if you choose to.
Take the first steps towards your own Powerful Life.
Jenny Jarvis is a practicing, certified, UK Life Change Coach and NLP Practitioner who has empowered numerous people to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker. She inspires all to harness their greatness through energised coaching sessions, workshops and courses.
Book a free introductory session with Jenny and discovery how you might work together.