I looked around and felt so lonely.
I felt like the only person in the world separating from my husband. Logically, and due to divorce rates, I knew this couldn’t be the case, but all my kid’s parents seemed to be together. It felt like I was the only one making relationship mistakes.
It seemed strange in a world where you hear about divorce all the time to feel so isolated. I don’t know if it’s the particular village I’m in or how it is in other places too, just everyone seemed to be together, and I couldn’t imagine them failing in the way I had.
There were a few of my daughter’s friends who had separated parents, but that had happened long before I was going through it.
One of the things my daughter told me about divorce years later was the worst part was what other friends told her about how awful it would be, and it wasn’t actually like that.
No one to talk to
For me I didn’t have people to talk it through with. That was a blessing in some ways and isolating in others. The thing with separation/divorce is they are all unique, even with common themes. There is no cookie cutter separation. Yes, there may have been infidelity as a theme or abuse or money worries, but all of them have their own set of individual circumstances attached.
So, there I was feeling very separate from people who were happily married but I couldn’t stop talking about my marriage falling apart. I would tell anyone who listened. But they were all happily married and often I felt it was all too much for them to hear my drama.
In the last 2 years I discovered Brene Brown and she talks about “floodlighting”. It’s where you talk about your deep issues to anyone who is there, and the information for them is like having a floodlight shone right in their eyes.
Have you ever had this experience? You tell someone something about yourself and they visibly wince because they are not prepared, and not in a position, to hear your deep stuff.
I’ve always been a completely open book. Often people feel I’m far too open for their liking. I understand now that it can feel far too much. But for the person living the situation I have been in, it isn’t. For that person, the things I talk about often help them to see they are not alone.
Perhaps it would have been classier to stay quiet. Perhaps I would have gained a reverential respect by not saying anything. Perhaps I could have been mysterious around my circumstances.
Reasons for divorce
I share my story because I know it will help at least one person.
The person who is struggling with being cheated on.
The person who is having an affair and doesn’t know how to leave the marriage (or the affair).
The person who feels not enough for their husband or wife.
The person who is feeling so lonely in a marriage.
The person who met their spouse as a teenager and now they have grown into siblings.
The s3xl3ss marriage that ended, and they are now convinced they are no good at intimacy.
The loss of identity.
The loss of financial security.
The loss of a unit.
The guilt for leaving.
The guilt for staying so long.
The pain of feeling not wanted.
The pain of being gaslighted.
Leave the loneliness behind
This loneliness after separation or divorce, the space between where you were and where you want to be. The gap in the middle where well-meaning friends and family tell you how right you are and how wrong your partner was, but it feels so overwhelming and confusing.
That’s the gap my group fills.
The time when you need support from those who are going through, or have been through it. Not from people who know and love you so will say anything to make you feel better. From people who have been there and, in my case, come out the other side stronger and with purpose.
Every divorce experience is different, and I am not here to judge. Whether you were left or the one to leave. Whether you were cheated on or the one to cheat. This is a safe space for everyone to leave the past behind, learn from mistakes and design the life they want now.
If you are putting off your life because your relationship ended and you don't know who you are anymore, join my Free Facebook Group.
If you want to know how you can work with me to find out who you are and what you want from your life and relationships, the best way is to book a Free Introductory Call.
How can an Introductory Call benefit me?
Many of my clients are introverts and I know (as someone with introvert tendencies), having a call may feel like the last thing in the world you would want to do. I know that feeling of staring at the phone thinking, I really want to do something but this feels very scary. In all honesty, I still feel the same for a second when the phone starts to ring!
The reason it is important is that we need to know if we want to work with each other. This works 2 ways.
Building a relationship where you feel confident enough to tackle some deep issues with me starts here. Before you part with any money, before you commit to 3, 6 or 12 months deep work, we both need to know it's the right thing for you.
Because I understand how hard it is, booking the introductory call via the website creates the whole initial link. You get the meeting time you want, you receive the zoom link and reminders and then, when the time comes, we have an informal chat about what you want out of all of this. I will guide you the whole way and during this first call, we will already begin to design the life you want.
How I can help
My 1-1 programs will give you the focus, challenge and direction to find what you are looking for.
My membership will surround you with inspiring and positive people.
Take the first steps towards your own Powerful Life.
Jenny Jarvis is a practicing, certified, UK Life Change Coach and NLP Practitioner who has empowered numerous people to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker. She inspires all to harness their greatness through energised coaching sessions, workshops and her membership club.
Book a free introductory session with Jenny and discovery how you might work together.