Silence Negative Mind Chatter and Take Back Control.
Have you ever hit send on your email and immediately the mind chatter starts?
Or does it happen every time you send an email?
I used to read my emails at least 6 times before I sent it. I would then go over and over in my mind as to how it has been received.
If I don’t receive a reply, well, that’s a whole new level!
We waste so much time on mind chatter. Guessing what the recipient has thought about what we have written.
Part of the issue with email (or any other written medium) is that we cannot gauge any reaction. We have no visual or audio which is our main means of communication. No facial expressions or body language to read. We are at the mercy of the other person responding in the time frame they choose. We remove all control once we press send.
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So why is it that I much prefer sending an email than making a call?
This question came to me as I write this article.
I just realised that the thought of making a phone call has always terrified me (even though I have been a secretary for years!).
I would always avoid it and use the written word. I like writing, it’s my comfort zone.
I can assess what I have written, go back and change it, you can’t do that when you speak.
When you make a phone call or speak in person, you have to respond immediately to what is being said, thinking on your feet.
The reality for me is, this has never been an actual problem, it’s my feelings around it that create the problem. I’m always happy to respond within a conversation.
How do you feel about it?
When you write something and don’t get a response, do you worry whether you have offended someone, or they don’t want to speak to you?
How do you feel when you receive an email?
How do you feel when you receive a phone call?
I know many of my clients struggle with this, it is an introvert’s nightmare. Finally getting to the point of sending something and then worrying about it for days.
The mind chatter that says:
What if they don’t like it?
What if I got it wrong?
What if I offended them?
What if they think I am stupid?
The energy that can go into sending one simple email can be immense.
Now this happens to me a lot less frequently but it did come up for me a few weeks ago. I sent an email (that still hasn’t had a response). It was a suggestion to someone I am working with (not a client). I started to worry that they didn’t like the suggestion. I had asked some questions, maybe they were just too awkward.
I decided I would let it go but just occasionally it pops back into my head.
Here are my thoughts: It’s gone into spam, and they haven’t seen it. They are massively busy (I know they are) and this is low priority. They don’t like what I suggested and don’t know how to tell me. Both suggestions are good but they don’t know which suits them best.
So, what am I going to do about it?
I could send another email chasing them up.
I could pop around and ask them.
I could call them to ask.
I could wait until I see them in person at a convenient time and ask them.
I am going to do the last of the options because that covers several issues for me. I will be able to read everything from tone to body language. I will be able to explain myself more clearly. I won’t interrupt them when I know they are very busy as I am seeing them anyway.
Top Tips to stop the Mind Chatter
When you find yourself in this mind chatter spiral, here are some helpful ways to stop it in its tracks.
Read back your email (you probably know it off by heart by now) as if you are your friend reading it. What would your friend think about it?
Write out all the things you are currently thinking (like I have above) and write out the opposite. When we do this, not only can we see a different point of view, we can also see how many options there are!
Ask “What’s the worst that could happen?”.
When you notice the chatter, change the voice to someone else. It could be a best (supportive) friend or someone silly such as Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck. When we hear our inner voice with a different tone, it reduces the power of how our subconscious mind thinks about it.
Take 5 minutes to breathe deeply.
Look at how much time it is taking up and decide on your action.
I know I have written this from the perspective of a written email but you can use these tools for other areas such as meetings, chats with friends and family, networking meetings.
If in doubt and it’s really stressing you out, it is always better to ask. It is rarely as bad as you are thinking.
If you are ready to start taking control of not just mind chatter, but your whole life, book a free introductory call.
How can an Introductory Call benefit me?
I know (as someone with introvert tendencies), having a call may feel like the last thing in the world you would want to do. I know that feeling of staring at the phone thinking, I really want to do something but this feels very scary. In all honesty, I still feel the same for a second when the phone starts to ring!
The reason it is important is that we need to know if we want to work with each other. This works 2 ways.
Building a relationship where you feel confident enough to tackle some deep issues with me starts here. Before you part with any money, before you commit to 3, 6 or 12 months deep work, we both need to know it's the right thing for you.
Because I understand how hard it is, booking the introductory call via the website creates the whole initial link. You get the meeting time you want, you receive the zoom link and reminders and then, when the time comes, we have an informal chat about what you want out of all of this. I will guide you the whole way and during this first call, we will already begin to design the life you want.
How I can help
My 1-1 programs will give you the focus, challenge and direction to find what you are looking for.
My membership will surround you with inspiring and positive people.
Take the first steps towards your own Powerful Life.
Jenny Jarvis is a practicing, certified, UK Holistic Life Change Coach and NLP Practitioner who has empowered numerous people to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker. She inspires all to harness their greatness through energised coaching sessions, workshops and her membership club.
Book a free introductory session with Jenny and discovery how you might work together.