How to find Happiness when you ask "maybe it's me?"
Is it me?
Am I unreasonable?
Perhaps I just expect too much?
Or maybe I’m just too much.
Or maybe I’m not enough.
I’ve never been enough.
Why does no one notice me?
I do for everyone; they don’t do for me.
Why don’t they want to do things for me?
Maybe I DO just expect too much.
Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? They are all the things my clients have said to me, and I have said to myself.
If you think this way, chances are you struggle with boundaries:
You say yes when you don't want to, you keep quiet so you don't upset people, you fit in to the expectations of others.
You probably don’t know who you really are.
What do you believe in? What are your values? What do you love to do? What lights you up?
You may feel as though you have been squashed in a box like a coiled spring.
You want to jump out but it’s not what anyone expects of you. They might not like it if you start to speak up. They may get upset if you say no. It may feel too uncomfortable to change now, you’ve put up with it this long, maybe you should just stay as you are.
But you are not happy.
You are lonely, feeling disconnected and you know you can be more. You know you can give more to the world if you let yourself.
You see people on Facebook out in big groups looking like they have a great time. Why aren’t you in a group like that?
You see people’s Instagram photos and posts and wonder how on earth they live that life.
You see the coach who says they can help you, but they are different, they were just able to do it, they can show up on Instagram and Facebook, you can’t. You just want to stay in the background watching. You are not that person. It’s not for you.
But what if that coach could really help me?
What if my life could be different?
What if I could have more friends, be able to speak up at work, be able to say no when people ask too much?
That’s when the fun begins. That’s when we start to design your life, just for you.
That’s when we work out who you want to Be; what you want to Do and what you want to Have to live the life that will light you up.
"Being lit up sounds a bit dramatic, I just want to be happy."
Ok, so what does happiness mean to you?
Write a list of all the things that give you the feeling of happiness.
How will you know you are happy?
What will you be doing?
Who will be with you?
Who will not be with you?
What will you hear around you?
What will you see?
But I’ve never really experienced happiness, I don’t know what it feels like.
You may not remember the feeling of happiness before, but you may be familiar with anxiety. Do you know that the bodily feeling of anxiety is the same as excitement?
If you can get a step closer to happiness by feeling excited, would that be better?
"Well, I guess so, but I don’t feel excitement…"
Ah, but you do feel anxiety. They feel the same, it’s how we label it that is different.
"I don’t understand! How can I learn to feel excited by using anxiety?"
You literally tell yourself you are excited when you get those anxious feelings. The tight chest, the butterflies, the quick breathing. When you experience that, you can say “I’m excited about going to the shops and having food in for dinner”. “I’m excited about speaking in the meeting because I can add value to the company that way”, “I’m excited about going to the party because I might meet someone new”.
The more you label anxiety as excitement, the better you will feel about it. You will be a step closer to the feeling of happiness.
When you look at other people and they are happy, how do you imagine they are feeling? What are they doing? What are they doing that you are not doing? Write it down.
Now you know what happiness looks like, what needs to change in your life?
What are you willing to sacrifice to live the life you want?
You may have to give up some safety, some comfort, security, you may even have to give up some people for a while. What are you willing to do to live the life you want?
If the answer is nothing. That’s absolutely fine. No one has to change. You can stay just as you are and it’s OK. As long as you have made the choice for yourself, and not because you are worried how others will react to you changing. If you are worried, let me know, I can talk you through all your thoughts.
If you are willing to make some sacrifices, be challenged, do the work and make the changes to live your life, what else is stopping you?
Great! Let’s get started!
How I can help
My 1-1 programs will give you the focus, challenge and direction to find what you are looking for.
My membership will surround you with inspiring and positive people.
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Jenny Jarvis is a practicing, certified, UK Holistic Life Change Coach and NLP Specialist who has empowered numerous people to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker. She inspires all to harness their greatness through energised coaching sessions, workshops and her membership club.