I don't want to
No, I really don’t want to, please find someone else.
These were my words when I was asked to toll the bell for half an hour before the Queen’s funeral. The protocol followed by many churches was to ring the tenor (the heaviest bell) 96 times for each of the Queen’s years.
The pressure felt enormous.
Firstly, we have a 15cwt (762 kg) bell (certainly not the heaviest but also not light) which can be very hard to stand (stop) at each pull so your arms and wrists can get very sore after a while. Secondly, with it being tricky to stand, the chance of ringing 97 or 98 times is likely.
I did not want this pressure.
But there was no one else to do it. So, the other option was not to ring like this at all, probably no one would even notice. But I would know and feel I had copped out. So, I said yes.
When someone said, “well done for volunteering” I replied with “I did not volunteer, I was press ganged into it”. But I know that’s not true. I know I have the power to say no and mean it. Years ago, this wasn’t the case, but now it is.
I can create boundaries when I need to.
But the thing that niggled me was the only reason I was saying no was because I doubted I could do it well enough. I felt nervous about messing it up and I was worried it would be physically too difficult.
Then I remembered.
I remembered the time I saw the Queen on the Thames for hours in the pouring rain.
I remembered the times I saw the Queen smiling and thought to myself “I bet she would rather be at home with her feet up and a cup of tea”.
I remembered all the times I thought of that wonderful woman who didn’t stop, even up to her death she was working and serving.
Why the heck was I worrying about half an hour of potential discomfort and possibly ringing 98 instead of 96? I don’t suppose she would care at all.
I said yes
I put my big girl pants on and turned up.
As it happened, I also had back up on the morning as someone had freed up time to help. We worked as a team. I did 24, he did 24, I did another, and he did the final set. By the time I had done the first set I was so pleased I had said yes. I was happy to play a very small part in this historic moment.
We watched the procession on the laptop in church (how times have changed!) as we were ringing and then we ran to mum and dad’s and watched it on the big screen before sprinting back to church for the band to ring The Queen out again.
My overriding feeling of the day was one of service. From the wonderful guards who carried and walked by the coffin to the Royal family, people lining the streets, even the 3 motorbikes whose riders must have been exhausted after riding in that close configuration for such a long distance and at slow speeds and not forgetting our friend who was lighting the whole thing from the chapel to make sure the world could watch it on their TV in full, bright colours.
I felt a sense of awe at the strength and resilience shown by thousands of people who stood all day doing their duty as The Queen has done for us.
And I was happy I was pushed to be part of it in a small way.
Not so long ago I said yes to everything, and I felt burned out and unappreciated. Through learning about boundaries, I say no when I need to. But sometimes saying no is also the knee jerk reaction which leads to missing out on life’s adventures.
When have you said no to something and regretted it?
What were you afraid of?
If you were worried you couldn’t do it well enough, was that a fact or just your opinion?
If you have said no to something coming up that you are regretting, whether it’s a relationship, applying for a job, showing up and being visible; what work do you need to do to help you make a different decision next time, or be able to change your mind this time and go and do it?
I help my clients with communication skills, creating boundaries and building confidence; all of which will help you make the right decision for you.
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Jenny Jarvis is a practicing, certified, UK Life Change Coach and NLP Practitioner who has empowered numerous people to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker. She inspires all to harness their greatness through energised coaching sessions, workshops and courses.
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