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Empowerment Insights

Transform your thinking and change your life with Empowerment Insights by Jenny Jarvis
Life Change Articles from Jenny Jarvis Coaching

Secret relationship – I was kept a secret for 2 years, then I discovered my worth.

Sometimes it’s an affair, but not always. Sometimes you’re treated like just a “mistress”. When we stop tolerating, amazing things happen. Here’s my story…

I was telling someone recently about the fact that my ex-partner kept me a secret for 2 of our 4-year relationship. They were shocked and said, “I bet you wouldn’t do that again”.

And they were correct, I wouldn’t.

But why did I in the first place?

I am an open book.

Most people sometimes think I am a bit too open.

I share. A lot!

So how on earth did I become a secret?

Firstly, they were not a secret in my world. They were fully integrated with my friends and family.

Secondly, I was in the midst of emotional chaos.

My marriage had ended, I had come out of a brief fling and my self-esteem was at rock bottom.

I was seeing a therapist and suddenly this “knight in shining armour” showed up to sweep me off my feet.

But there was no sweeping. There was a lot of campaigning, convincing and persuading that I was the right person for them and oddly, I felt very comfortable in their presence.

I say oddly because I look back now and cannot imagine why I felt at ease with someone willing to hide me away. Ashamed of being with me.

But for whatever reason, I did.

I mistook that comfort as a sign they were right for me.

I had never felt comfortable (not anxious) with anyone before, so this had to be different?

There I was in a relationship with someone who would go on holiday with friends, go to dinner, go to parties, and not mention me once. It was as if I didn’t exist in their world at all for those pockets of time. We were both living double lives and it was completely out of alignment with who I was.

When we separated, I was devastated.

Not because of the end of the relationship.

It was because I still couldn’t understand why I had let it happen.

Why had I thought so little of myself to go along with the weirdness of those 4 years?

Always living with one foot in one life and one in another.

There was no integration or togetherness (and togetherness is a high value for me).

I felt I had let myself down.

I felt ashamed, embarrassed and waiting for all the “I told you so”s.

This is not just my story.

I see other people doing the same.

Tolerating being second best.

Tolerating being a low priority.

Fitting into other people’s lives while they make few concessions.

Hoping someone or something will change.

People don’t change, unless they do the work. My only option was to change myself. Create boundaries, learn how to communicate and increase my inner confidence to know I could do better than I was.

My life changed when I found coaching and NLP.

The day I qualified as an NLP practitioner was the day my relationship ended.

I had built my self-esteem, found the confidence to be alone rather than tolerating and learned who I really am.

My clients go through a similar process.

Start from the bottom of allowing people in who are not healthy for them, move into knowledge of who they are, having the strength to make their own decisions, having the strength to say no, having the ability to create a new life that they love for themselves, not around someone else.

So, when someone said to me, “you wouldn’t let that happen again” they were absolutely right. I know my worth now. If I start to question myself, I have all the tools to help me keep moving forward.

You can have those tools too.

You can be living the life you want with someone who appreciates you (YOU!).

Are you ready to get started?

If you are.

If you are fed up waiting for someone to change.

If you are ready to design your life for yourself.

Book an introductory call, it will be the first step to living your Powerful Life.


Jenny Jarvis is a practicing, certified, UK Holistic Life Change Coach and NLP Specialist who has empowered numerous people to live a life of their dreams, unleash their relationship with money and start and grow brands and businesses to great success. A truly inspirational individual, Jenny is also the mum to two amazing teens, a Reiki Master and motivational speaker. She inspires all to harness their greatness through energised coaching sessions, workshops and her membership club. Book a free introductory session with Jenny HERE and discovery how you might work together. Or why not get started with her FREE 'Life Change Kickstart' Mini course HERE

1 Σχόλιο

Άγνωστο μέλος
25 Νοε 2021

Of course, there are always many sides to a story, but you are playing the victim once more - that seems to be a reoccurring theme - ex-husbands letting you down, teachers bullying you, wedding disappointment and not fitting in at college etc etc.

There is always a reason why a man may not want to integrate you into his life, and you are old enough to have seen the warning signs before committing and then staying another 2 years in an intolerable situation? You have already suggested you were a mistress, so one can only assume you were having an affair with a married man still living with his wife? No wonder you were kept a secret if that…

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